Friday, December 24, 2010
How do you see a half cup of water?
2 popular ways to view this are:
Some would see that is is half empty (pessimistic view)
Some would see that is it half full (optimistic view)
Both views are not absolutely wrong but are not completely the truth. The Truth that many are not able to see is that: Due to the evaporation process, the water continue to evaporate and at every single moment in time, the amount of water in the cup is changing non-stop. This process is so subtle that almost everyone would forget or even ignore it completely but that is what is occurring. What this implies is that lot of the times, many processes or things are not in the fixation stage.
Almost all processes are in the dynamic changing state and that is also what happens in our life too. If you notice, everyday seems to be the same but essentially no 2 days are exactly the same, they are similar but in reality are actually different.
So what does this have to do with many of us? By recognizing this simple truth, you can see more clearly of what is happening in your life. Don't just look at the surface and judge things; we need to examine much more deeply than that. By understanding what is happening in your life, you can gain back control and direct what you want to do next. Don't just look at what you don't have, also look at what you have and better yet, look at what is changing.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The 3 dimensions of LOVE
Space has 3 dimensions: X, Y, Z and so does love:
1. PASSION: "An intense physical, cognitive, and emotional onslaught characterized by excitement, ecstasy, and euphoria. Passion is driven by our irresistible intense feeling of love to a point that love is blind and we don't get to know the loved person better." (Berger)
For example, when you feel like: "I can't live without you." or "I don't know why your image always appear in my mind no matter what I do." or "I always remember your beautiful smile; your face, your eyes are right in my heart and no matter how much I try to put it aside, it will never fade away even a bit." or ...etc>>> then passion has formed. This is usually the initial stage in the beginning of many love relationships and also this is the most romantic part. Unfortunately, passion will eventually disappear bit by bit as time goes on.
2. INTIMACY: Closeness to, and liking of, the other person. At this point, you try to learn more about the loved person, you share personal stories and even deep secrets with them. You want to be close to them as often as possible; you want to go out with them holding hands and doing things together; you want to help them with their homework, jobs or any tasks; you want to care for them every minute...etc
Intimacy enhances the love relationship and makes it stronger.
3. COMMITMENT: "It takes even longer to form. It grows through a series of day-to-day decisions to spend time together, to care for each other, to share possessions, and to overcome problems even when that involves some personal sacrifice. Devotion and mutual dependence are traits of commitment. (Aron & Westbay, 1996)" (Berger)
Commitment plays the most important role in maintaining the stable love relationship; especially during marriage, commitment must be present to avoid divorce.
Without it, the relationship will fade away sooner or later. Lack of commitment also leads to break up or even divorce.
According to Sternberg, there are 7 forms of love:
- Liking: Intimacy alone
· Infatuation: Passion alone
· Empty love: Commitment alone
· Romantic love: Passion + Intimacy.
· Companionate love: Intimacy + Commitment
· Fatuous love: Passion + Commitment
· Consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment
In the western society, the ideal love is "consummate love."
Notes: some parts of this writing (with "quotation") are from the book The Developmental Person Through The Life Span 6th edition by Berger.
1. PASSION: "An intense physical, cognitive, and emotional onslaught characterized by excitement, ecstasy, and euphoria. Passion is driven by our irresistible intense feeling of love to a point that love is blind and we don't get to know the loved person better." (Berger)
For example, when you feel like: "I can't live without you." or "I don't know why your image always appear in my mind no matter what I do." or "I always remember your beautiful smile; your face, your eyes are right in my heart and no matter how much I try to put it aside, it will never fade away even a bit." or ...etc>>> then passion has formed. This is usually the initial stage in the beginning of many love relationships and also this is the most romantic part. Unfortunately, passion will eventually disappear bit by bit as time goes on.
2. INTIMACY: Closeness to, and liking of, the other person. At this point, you try to learn more about the loved person, you share personal stories and even deep secrets with them. You want to be close to them as often as possible; you want to go out with them holding hands and doing things together; you want to help them with their homework, jobs or any tasks; you want to care for them every minute...etc
Intimacy enhances the love relationship and makes it stronger.
3. COMMITMENT: "It takes even longer to form. It grows through a series of day-to-day decisions to spend time together, to care for each other, to share possessions, and to overcome problems even when that involves some personal sacrifice. Devotion and mutual dependence are traits of commitment. (Aron & Westbay, 1996)" (Berger)
Commitment plays the most important role in maintaining the stable love relationship; especially during marriage, commitment must be present to avoid divorce.
Without it, the relationship will fade away sooner or later. Lack of commitment also leads to break up or even divorce.
According to Sternberg, there are 7 forms of love:
- Liking: Intimacy alone
· Infatuation: Passion alone
· Empty love: Commitment alone
· Romantic love: Passion + Intimacy.
· Companionate love: Intimacy + Commitment
· Fatuous love: Passion + Commitment
· Consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment
In the western society, the ideal love is "consummate love."
Notes: some parts of this writing (with "quotation") are from the book The Developmental Person Through The Life Span 6th edition by Berger.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
A short story about the best way to handle negative thoughts
This is such an insightful short story written by Derek Lin regarding how we should deal with negative thoughts. I have no better way to paraphrase this article so I would just present Derek's original writing. Enjoy!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a sage who taught the Tao to three disciples at a distant temple. Once every few months, they would make the long trip into town to purchase supplies.
On one of these trips, they paused by a field overgrown with weeds. The sage said to the disciples: "This field is like the human mind, and the weeds are like negative thoughts. Tell me, what do you think is the best way to get rid of the weeds?"
The first disciple was quick to answer: "Just pull up the weeds with your hands, Master. What can be easier than that?"
The second disciple disagreed: "That is not very effective. Look at how many weeds there are. You can only do so much before you get tired. The best way is to use tools like the shovel to uproot the weeds. In the same amount of time, you can do a lot more with less effort."
The third disciple shook his head: "Even that is not effective enough. Look at how big this field is. Even with tools, it will still take quite a while, and it will still be exhausting. The best way is fire. Set up a perimeter around the field, and then burn the whole thing. It takes some effort to preapre, but once that's done, you just stand back and watch the fire do all the work for you."
The sage smiled approvingly: "You've given three answers that are quite different, but all interesting. Tell me, how does your answer correspond with the Tao?"
The first disciple was again the quickest to respond: "Pulling up the weeds by hand is like confronting each negative thought directly, getting a firm hold of it, and then having the satisfaction of uprooting it from the mind. I believe this is the Tao at the purest and most personal level."
The second disciple thought for a moment: "Just as this field has too many weeds to clear by hand, the mind has too many negative thoughts to eliminate one by one. I need the tools of cultivation, such as meditation, mantras and sutras. These spiritual tools are standard not only for us, but also for other followers of the Tao, so it is quite obvious that my idea is much closer to the Tao."
The third disciple was also thoughtful: "My method is like establishing communion with the gods and the buddhas. Burning the field with fire is like using the sacred powers of the divine to sweep the mind completely clear of negative thoughts. This is the most powerful method, and therefore must also be the closest to the Tao."
Again the sage smiled in approval: "These are all valid comparisons. We can continue on our way now, but I want all of you to keep this discussion in mind, and think about your solution some more."
Months passed, and soon it was time to go into town for supplies again. The sage and the disciples passed by the same field as before, but this time it was different. They saw that farmers had turned it into rice paddies.
The sage turned to them and said: "This is the reason why I did not name any of your answers as the correct one. None of you touched the level of the Tao."
The first disciple was curious: "What was wrong with our solutions, Master?""They were all temporary measures." The sage pointed out: "The weeds will grow back after you have cleared the field, regardless of your method. The only way to ensure that won't happen is to replace the weeds with something else - like the rice crop you see in front of you. Similarly, it is not enough to eliminate negative thoughts from your mind. You must also plant the seeds of positive thoughts. That is the only way to ensure that the negativity will never return."
As the sage said, all three disciples offered valid answers. There are many ways to practice the Tao, and different techniques come in handy at different times. They also vary in effectiveness depending on individual personalities and preferences.
Perhaps the most basic of all is the instrospection described by the first disciple. For all of us, Tao cultivation starts when we examine ourselves. Instead of looking outward, we focus inward. This is fundamental because the answers to the most important questions in life are in the heart, not in the external world.
The second disciple pointed to methods that can be quite helpful in this internal quest. Reading is one key activity. In ancient times, Tao practitioners studied sutras and often committed substantial sections to memory. Nowadays, we have access not only to ancient texts but also to a wealth of additional material. We are able to learn from others' thoughts and experiences on all aspects of the Tao culture.
Meditation is another key activity. This includes not only the common forms of sitting meditation, but also the dynamic forms, where the body is engaged in an activity like Qi Qong or Tai Chi while the mind remains tranquil. In Chinese, this is called dong zhong chan, which literally means "meditation within movement."
The third disciple spoke of communion with gods. Beginners in the Tao may see this as a ritual of prostrating oneself and worshipping deities. Those who have devoted time to study the Tao may realize that the gods and immortals in the Tao are simply avatars of virtues. To commune with them is to make use of their symbolism - their divine powers - in deepening one's practice in a particular area of life.
There are those who have spent years learning the above, and either remain stuck at the same level as before, or find themselves repeating the same process over and over again. This usually happens not because they have imperfect techniques, but because they are missing the crucial element that the sage pointed out - they have done some work to get rid of the weeds, but after a while, the weeds grow right back.
Weeds are no different from any other plants in being part of the Tao. It is perfectly natural for them to grow. Negative thoughts in the mind are the same way. As long as you live and breathe, you will have such thoughts from time to time. Some may point to this and say that since detructive emotions are perfectly natural, they don't have to do anything about their temper in order to follow the Tao. That's like saying it's perfectly fine to let the weeds grow out of control in your garden. Nature will not have any issues with it, of course, but before long you will also not have a garden in which to rest and relax.
This is the most valuable lesson taught by the sage. The way to deal with negative thoughts is not to deny or suppress them. The best way is to crowd them out with positive thoughts. The same Tao is true in other areas of life as well. For instance, the best way to deal with ignorant opinions is not to censor them, but to present rational, well-reasoned opinions alongside them. Before you know it, misinformed ideas will be edged out, without any need for condemnation or criticism.
It is just as easy to apply this concept to the improvement and cultivation of the self. If you want to build a healthier and stronger body, the best way to do it is to maximize smarter lifestyle choices in terms of diet and exercise, and let them naturally minimize unhealthy choices. If you want to become a kinder and better person, the best way to do it is to maximize kindness and goodness in your heart, and let them naturally minimize thoughts of darkness and cruelty.
Just as the Tao is eternal, the results your create this way will last. They will be permanent changes in your life, rather than temporary benefits from temporary measures. There is no going back to the way you used to be... when you use the Tao to cultivate the Tao!
-------------------------------------------------------------
The Weeds
by Derek Lin
Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a sage who taught the Tao to three disciples at a distant temple. Once every few months, they would make the long trip into town to purchase supplies.
On one of these trips, they paused by a field overgrown with weeds. The sage said to the disciples: "This field is like the human mind, and the weeds are like negative thoughts. Tell me, what do you think is the best way to get rid of the weeds?"
The first disciple was quick to answer: "Just pull up the weeds with your hands, Master. What can be easier than that?"
The second disciple disagreed: "That is not very effective. Look at how many weeds there are. You can only do so much before you get tired. The best way is to use tools like the shovel to uproot the weeds. In the same amount of time, you can do a lot more with less effort."
The third disciple shook his head: "Even that is not effective enough. Look at how big this field is. Even with tools, it will still take quite a while, and it will still be exhausting. The best way is fire. Set up a perimeter around the field, and then burn the whole thing. It takes some effort to preapre, but once that's done, you just stand back and watch the fire do all the work for you."
The sage smiled approvingly: "You've given three answers that are quite different, but all interesting. Tell me, how does your answer correspond with the Tao?"
The first disciple was again the quickest to respond: "Pulling up the weeds by hand is like confronting each negative thought directly, getting a firm hold of it, and then having the satisfaction of uprooting it from the mind. I believe this is the Tao at the purest and most personal level."
The second disciple thought for a moment: "Just as this field has too many weeds to clear by hand, the mind has too many negative thoughts to eliminate one by one. I need the tools of cultivation, such as meditation, mantras and sutras. These spiritual tools are standard not only for us, but also for other followers of the Tao, so it is quite obvious that my idea is much closer to the Tao."
The third disciple was also thoughtful: "My method is like establishing communion with the gods and the buddhas. Burning the field with fire is like using the sacred powers of the divine to sweep the mind completely clear of negative thoughts. This is the most powerful method, and therefore must also be the closest to the Tao."
Again the sage smiled in approval: "These are all valid comparisons. We can continue on our way now, but I want all of you to keep this discussion in mind, and think about your solution some more."
Months passed, and soon it was time to go into town for supplies again. The sage and the disciples passed by the same field as before, but this time it was different. They saw that farmers had turned it into rice paddies.
The sage turned to them and said: "This is the reason why I did not name any of your answers as the correct one. None of you touched the level of the Tao."
The first disciple was curious: "What was wrong with our solutions, Master?""They were all temporary measures." The sage pointed out: "The weeds will grow back after you have cleared the field, regardless of your method. The only way to ensure that won't happen is to replace the weeds with something else - like the rice crop you see in front of you. Similarly, it is not enough to eliminate negative thoughts from your mind. You must also plant the seeds of positive thoughts. That is the only way to ensure that the negativity will never return."
As the sage said, all three disciples offered valid answers. There are many ways to practice the Tao, and different techniques come in handy at different times. They also vary in effectiveness depending on individual personalities and preferences.
Perhaps the most basic of all is the instrospection described by the first disciple. For all of us, Tao cultivation starts when we examine ourselves. Instead of looking outward, we focus inward. This is fundamental because the answers to the most important questions in life are in the heart, not in the external world.
The second disciple pointed to methods that can be quite helpful in this internal quest. Reading is one key activity. In ancient times, Tao practitioners studied sutras and often committed substantial sections to memory. Nowadays, we have access not only to ancient texts but also to a wealth of additional material. We are able to learn from others' thoughts and experiences on all aspects of the Tao culture.
Meditation is another key activity. This includes not only the common forms of sitting meditation, but also the dynamic forms, where the body is engaged in an activity like Qi Qong or Tai Chi while the mind remains tranquil. In Chinese, this is called dong zhong chan, which literally means "meditation within movement."
The third disciple spoke of communion with gods. Beginners in the Tao may see this as a ritual of prostrating oneself and worshipping deities. Those who have devoted time to study the Tao may realize that the gods and immortals in the Tao are simply avatars of virtues. To commune with them is to make use of their symbolism - their divine powers - in deepening one's practice in a particular area of life.
There are those who have spent years learning the above, and either remain stuck at the same level as before, or find themselves repeating the same process over and over again. This usually happens not because they have imperfect techniques, but because they are missing the crucial element that the sage pointed out - they have done some work to get rid of the weeds, but after a while, the weeds grow right back.
Weeds are no different from any other plants in being part of the Tao. It is perfectly natural for them to grow. Negative thoughts in the mind are the same way. As long as you live and breathe, you will have such thoughts from time to time. Some may point to this and say that since detructive emotions are perfectly natural, they don't have to do anything about their temper in order to follow the Tao. That's like saying it's perfectly fine to let the weeds grow out of control in your garden. Nature will not have any issues with it, of course, but before long you will also not have a garden in which to rest and relax.
This is the most valuable lesson taught by the sage. The way to deal with negative thoughts is not to deny or suppress them. The best way is to crowd them out with positive thoughts. The same Tao is true in other areas of life as well. For instance, the best way to deal with ignorant opinions is not to censor them, but to present rational, well-reasoned opinions alongside them. Before you know it, misinformed ideas will be edged out, without any need for condemnation or criticism.
It is just as easy to apply this concept to the improvement and cultivation of the self. If you want to build a healthier and stronger body, the best way to do it is to maximize smarter lifestyle choices in terms of diet and exercise, and let them naturally minimize unhealthy choices. If you want to become a kinder and better person, the best way to do it is to maximize kindness and goodness in your heart, and let them naturally minimize thoughts of darkness and cruelty.
Just as the Tao is eternal, the results your create this way will last. They will be permanent changes in your life, rather than temporary benefits from temporary measures. There is no going back to the way you used to be... when you use the Tao to cultivate the Tao!
If we add smaller pieces of pizza infinitely, will we get an infinitely big pizza?
No, not always! Let’s look at this scenario:
Person A gets 1 piece as big as 1/4 or quarter of the pizza.
You may notice that:
The first purple square = ½ x ½ = ¼
The 2nd purple square = ¼ x ¼ = 1/16
The 3rd purple square = 1/8 x 1/8 = 1/64
The 4th purple square = 1/16 x 1/16 = 1/256
……….
As you can see, the pattern for the area of the purple squares also resembles an exact pattern for our problem. What is obvious in the graphical representation is that you can see the sum of all the area of the purple square is less than 1 since the area of all the purple square adding with the area of the white square = 1 x 1 = 1. Hence we have just graphically prove that regardless the fact that we are adding the area of the purple square infinitely, the sum is still less than 1 and hence it is a finite!
The above summation pattern is actually called a GEOMETRIC SERIES and it has a very nice property: the summation = (1 – common ratio) / common ratio.
In our case, the area of the current square is always ¼ smaller than the previous square so common ratio in this context is ¼ . If we apply this property, our result will be [1 – ¼] / (1/4) = (3/4) / (1/4) = 3/1 = 3.
Conclusion and implication: if we have an infinite population, 1st person gets a quarter (1/4) of a pizza, 2nd person gets a piece of pizza 4 times smaller than the 1st person, 3rd person gets a piece of pizza 4 times smaller than the 2nd person, and so on…. Our world will have a total of 3 pizzas.
Person A gets 1 piece as big as 1/4 or quarter of the pizza.
Person B gets 1 piece 1/16 of the pizza (=a quarter of person A’s pizza)
Person C gets 1 piece 1/64 of the pizza (=a quarter of person B’s pizza)Person D get 1 piece 1/256 of the pizza (=a quarter of person C’s pizza)
……………………………………………
The pattern here is that the next person will get a quarter of what previous person has.
Continue this pattern infinitely (never ending pattern)
Now if we collect all pieces of pizza from all these people. Do we have an infinitely big pizza??? Let’s see, our sum will be:
1/4+ 1/16 + 1/64 + 1/256 + … = what is this??
Now, we can’t manually add them since we have an infinite number of terms but we can observe that the later the person is in the line, the smaller the pizza he/she will get and they can be super super super tiny that is like nothing.
Let’s turn this analysis graphically and see what we get! Let’s look at the picture below and observe the area of the purple square.
Now, we can’t manually add them since we have an infinite number of terms but we can observe that the later the person is in the line, the smaller the pizza he/she will get and they can be super super super tiny that is like nothing.
Let’s turn this analysis graphically and see what we get! Let’s look at the picture below and observe the area of the purple square.
You may notice that:
The first purple square = ½ x ½ = ¼
The 2nd purple square = ¼ x ¼ = 1/16
The 3rd purple square = 1/8 x 1/8 = 1/64
The 4th purple square = 1/16 x 1/16 = 1/256
……….
As you can see, the pattern for the area of the purple squares also resembles an exact pattern for our problem. What is obvious in the graphical representation is that you can see the sum of all the area of the purple square is less than 1 since the area of all the purple square adding with the area of the white square = 1 x 1 = 1. Hence we have just graphically prove that regardless the fact that we are adding the area of the purple square infinitely, the sum is still less than 1 and hence it is a finite!
The above summation pattern is actually called a GEOMETRIC SERIES and it has a very nice property: the summation = (1 – common ratio) / common ratio.
In our case, the area of the current square is always ¼ smaller than the previous square so common ratio in this context is ¼ . If we apply this property, our result will be [1 – ¼] / (1/4) = (3/4) / (1/4) = 3/1 = 3.
Conclusion and implication: if we have an infinite population, 1st person gets a quarter (1/4) of a pizza, 2nd person gets a piece of pizza 4 times smaller than the 1st person, 3rd person gets a piece of pizza 4 times smaller than the 2nd person, and so on…. Our world will have a total of 3 pizzas.
Simple ways to be happy!
-Work on something you are passionate about.
-Know that money is a tool for a living and not the other way around--You earn money for a living and not live for money.
-Help people around and also let people help you!
-Smile!
-Be open to the world and the world will open to you!
-See the reality as what it actually is and don't make up excuse for illusions. In another words, too much wishing-thinking makes you blind.
-Know your limit and be content with what you have. In fact, you don't need to get XYZ to be happy because when you finally realize it, happiness is free and you don't need anything to buy happiness.
-Provided that you know what is going on and see the reality, trust yourself, trust your decisions, trust your family and friends!
-Many more...
Happiness has become a new hot research topics in academia. I would like to share with you the research conducted by researchers at University of California: Berkeley on Science of Happiness
-Know that money is a tool for a living and not the other way around--You earn money for a living and not live for money.
-Help people around and also let people help you!
-Smile!
-Be open to the world and the world will open to you!
-See the reality as what it actually is and don't make up excuse for illusions. In another words, too much wishing-thinking makes you blind.
-Know your limit and be content with what you have. In fact, you don't need to get XYZ to be happy because when you finally realize it, happiness is free and you don't need anything to buy happiness.
-Provided that you know what is going on and see the reality, trust yourself, trust your decisions, trust your family and friends!
-Many more...
Happiness has become a new hot research topics in academia. I would like to share with you the research conducted by researchers at University of California: Berkeley on Science of Happiness
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